Guess where Jesus appeared…hint it’s not a tortilla

April 23, 2013 at 7:12 pm | Posted in animals, Jesus, Religion | Leave a comment
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jesus image

How to raise a good christian*

May 11, 2012 at 4:38 pm | Posted in Atheism, hypocrisy, Jesus, Religion | 2 Comments
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This morning’s round of fun with jehova’s witnesses*, for some reason reminded me of an incident that happened some years ago.  It irritates the hell out of me when these folks come to my door.  I turn into the mean crazy lady.

I live in a rural part of a small town.  You cannot see my house from the road so you have to drive for several  minutes along my private driveway to get to my house.  Yet they still find me.  I was spending the morning reading when the dog and I heard voices coming from outside followed by a knock on the door.  I looked through the window at two smiling men, standing on the front porch, holding up a bible and pointing at it.

I opened the door and stared at them as they started their spiel.  I said, “You’re trespassing.”  to which jh1 replied, “There’s no sign.”  I said it doesn’t matter, you’re trespassing.  And, you know what other sign isn’t at the entrance to my property?  A sign that says, ‘If you don’t know me feel free to drive onto my property and disturb my peace or interrupt whatever I am doing so you can attempt to shove your religion down my throat.”

jh2 then said, “Give us you’re house number and we’ll make sure no one bothers you again.”

I have tried that but to no avail, they keep coming, like ants.  I said, “How about this, you put everybody who hasn’t invited you on the list and leave the rest of us the hell alone.  Most people I know think of  you as pests much like they think of mosquitoes, gnats, and killer bees but most people are way more polite than I am.”

I guess their visit made me think of this incident because both are supposedly about creating good christians.

Awhile back I had a pickup truck.  It was one where the back glass in the cab had a sliding window.  I had gone into the post office and when I came out I discovered I had locked myself out of the truck.  The back sliding window was open a couple of inches and I am rather petite so I considered climbing in.  However, I was meeting someone, it was hot, and I didn’t want to arrive dirty and sweaty.  About this time a man came out with a small boy (about 7 or 8) so I stopped him, explained my dilemma and asked if he might allow his son to climb in the back and open the door.

He looked at his kid and said, “What do you think, you want to do it for ten bucks?”  I was more than a little taken aback…as most people would have been more than happy to be helpful.  If the situation were reversed I would help and it wouldn’t cross my mind to ask for money.  I countered with five dollars, my offer was accepted and the little tycoon opened my truck in under a minute (that works out to three hundred bucks and hour).  I forked over the five bucks and as they walked away I heard the father say to his son, “See that!  When you are a good christian the lord takes care of you and now you are five dollars closer to getting your new bike.”

Correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t christianity teach helping others in need without asking for payment?

*I refuse to capitalize anything having to do with religion.

Thank you Jesus

January 22, 2012 at 5:35 pm | Posted in Atheism, hypocrisy, Jesus, Religion | 1 Comment
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Ærchies Archive - Digital Detritus

Romans 8:37-39    New International Version (NIV)

37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

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The Answer is Bah Humbug!

December 11, 2011 at 4:51 pm | Posted in Atheism, Beliefs, Jesus, Religion, social comment | 3 Comments
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Ebenezer Scrooge

When they ask the questions, every year, I sense some apprehension; as if my answers will have an impact on what is to follow.  If only that were so.  My answers are NO, NO, and I DON’T DO THAT.

The first question concerns my state of readiness for christmas*?  Depending on my mood I either inform the inquirer I don’t celebrate christmas or I say NO, and ask if christmas will not come unless I’m ready.  In my fantasy I have this power.

The next questions involve my level of excitement about the impending holidays and whether or not I have all my christmas shopping done, because isn’t christmas really about shopping?  (I hate shopping of any kind at any time of year.  I try to stock up on my needs before Thanksgiving hoping to avoid the chaotic crowds of sheep at the market until at least the second week in January.)

I hate holidays, all of them, but I hate christmas most of all.  Bah Humbug!

*See The C-Word

When Jesus ate the magic mushrooms

October 10, 2011 at 1:44 pm | Posted in Beliefs, god, Jesus, social comment | 1 Comment
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By Mark Morford, SF Gate Columnist
Wednesday, October 5, 2011

What a strange and wobbly time in which to live. We refuse to believe something until it’s “proven” via scientific method, but once it’s proven half the nation immediately discredits it because science is for elitist liberals and only creationist Jesus and a sad gang of very dead, enormously repressed Bible-writing priests from 1,500 years ago actually know anything about “truth.”

Meanwhile, the best and most illuminating of nature’s medicines remain underground, sidelined and fringe while the costly synthetics rage on full force, addicting millions, numbing out the soul of world, most no better (and often far, far worse) than placebos.

Did Jesus take magic mushrooms? Can we deliberate for a moment? How about Buddha? Allah? Eve? Was the gleaming apple from the tree of knowledge not laced with ayahuasca and wormwood and dark rum? Can we safely assume? Oh, we absolutely can.

This much we know: mushrooms inspire a numinous state, and Jesus was nothing if not a card-carrying mystic. A seer. An anti-establishment, proto-hippie, street-screamin’ visionary who hung out with prostitutes and freaks and loved everyone equally, saw everyone as full incarnation of pure divinity right here on earth. And he was what, sober? Sure.  entire article

What would Genghis do?

October 6, 2011 at 2:22 pm | Posted in Atheism, Beliefs, Current Events, humor, Jesus | 1 Comment
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My new favorite T-shirt.  There are other products here with the same image; the perfect answer to what would Jesus do?

Last night I said a prayer

June 17, 2011 at 2:26 pm | Posted in Atheism, Beliefs, god, Jesus, Religion, stupidity | 4 Comments
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They say, “Don’t knock it if you haven’t tried it.”, so I did.  I am now officially qualified to knock it.

So here’s what happened.  Last night I turned on the television looking for something to lull me off to the land of nod.  The first image was a close up of a  man and a woman with their eyes scrunched tightly shut.  The man was saying something about someone out there no longer having back pain, and someone else is no longer suffering from migraines.  My initial thoughts were, whoa this is some kind of crazy, low budget infomercial, for a miracle supplement that cures everything, shot in a studio with overly bright lighting (explaining the squinting).  Or, the supplement, while curing everything else, has an annoying side effect that causes extreme constipation; based on the facial expressions of the pair, they both looked as if they badly needed a bowel movement.

A moment later the man said, “And there is someone out there with a brain tumor that is now gone.  God and Jesus have taken it away”  By now I realized it wasn’t an infomercial.  As it happened the show was nearly over and identified itself as The 700 Club.  Immediately after you were told asked to send money the guy with the closed eyes said (this is likely not the exact wording but close enough), “Pray for what you want and you will receive it.” (from some guy named Matthew).  He didn’t say you may or you might or you probably will, but you WILL receive…

So I scrunched my eyes shut, as I had just seen and asked for what I wanted: to be a millionaire when I woke the next morning.  Praying does NOT work.  This morning I woke up and excitedly ran to the computer to check my bank balance.  Imagine how my spirits sank when I didn’t see seven figures. I can’t figure out what could have gone wrong.  I imitated the facial expression and the eye scrunching perfectly.  Could it be that not sending them money is where I went wrong?  If that’s the case then it’s a bit of a catch 22 situation.  If I’d gotten the damn million I would have been happy to send them some money.

The whole experience got me to thinking:  who is this guy Matthew and why did he lie?  Why is that religious TV program called The 700 Club?  Is 700 the number of members in the club, and if so does someone have to quit or die before someone new can join so they don’t have to keep changing the name of the club?  Or is 700 the collective IQ of the membership?  I’m leaning toward the latter because how gullible do you have to be to believe even those few minutes, I saw, of the show?  And I did give them the benefit of the doubt by keeping an open mind and praying.

I switched channels and found a show called AFV (America’s Funniest Videos).  After watching for a short while I realized three things:  The AFV audience is probably the same as that of The 700 Club, its producers evidently never heard of a little thing called the internet which has actual funny videos, and the program would be more aptly named, America’s Most Disturbing Videos.

If you’ve never seen AFV, unless you have sadistic tendencies, don’t bother.  People send in their ‘funny’ home videos for a chance to win a bunch of money.  Just about every video showed a person (sometimes a small child) being injured either by bad luck or their own stupidity.  Many of the injuries were such that I would expect any reasonable person would drop the camera and rush to see if the subject was OK.  Instead they kept on filming and you could hear the laughter of the person behind the camera, often the parent of the injured child, as well as that of the studio audience.  And, apparently you can never see too much footage of a man getting hit in the nuts.

I fail to find humor or enjoyment in watching people being injured and found it disturbing that so many people do.  It has to be stupidity; I can think of no other explanation.  Hence, my correlation between the pool of audience members for both shows.  I would pray they both be taken off the air but I already know it won’t work.

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