How to raise a good christian*

May 11, 2012 at 4:38 pm | Posted in Atheism, hypocrisy, Jesus, Religion | 2 Comments
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This morning’s round of fun with jehova’s witnesses*, for some reason reminded me of an incident that happened some years ago.  It irritates the hell out of me when these folks come to my door.  I turn into the mean crazy lady.

I live in a rural part of a small town.  You cannot see my house from the road so you have to drive for several  minutes along my private driveway to get to my house.  Yet they still find me.  I was spending the morning reading when the dog and I heard voices coming from outside followed by a knock on the door.  I looked through the window at two smiling men, standing on the front porch, holding up a bible and pointing at it.

I opened the door and stared at them as they started their spiel.  I said, “You’re trespassing.”  to which jh1 replied, “There’s no sign.”  I said it doesn’t matter, you’re trespassing.  And, you know what other sign isn’t at the entrance to my property?  A sign that says, ‘If you don’t know me feel free to drive onto my property and disturb my peace or interrupt whatever I am doing so you can attempt to shove your religion down my throat.”

jh2 then said, “Give us you’re house number and we’ll make sure no one bothers you again.”

I have tried that but to no avail, they keep coming, like ants.  I said, “How about this, you put everybody who hasn’t invited you on the list and leave the rest of us the hell alone.  Most people I know think of  you as pests much like they think of mosquitoes, gnats, and killer bees but most people are way more polite than I am.”

I guess their visit made me think of this incident because both are supposedly about creating good christians.

Awhile back I had a pickup truck.  It was one where the back glass in the cab had a sliding window.  I had gone into the post office and when I came out I discovered I had locked myself out of the truck.  The back sliding window was open a couple of inches and I am rather petite so I considered climbing in.  However, I was meeting someone, it was hot, and I didn’t want to arrive dirty and sweaty.  About this time a man came out with a small boy (about 7 or 8) so I stopped him, explained my dilemma and asked if he might allow his son to climb in the back and open the door.

He looked at his kid and said, “What do you think, you want to do it for ten bucks?”  I was more than a little taken aback…as most people would have been more than happy to be helpful.  If the situation were reversed I would help and it wouldn’t cross my mind to ask for money.  I countered with five dollars, my offer was accepted and the little tycoon opened my truck in under a minute (that works out to three hundred bucks and hour).  I forked over the five bucks and as they walked away I heard the father say to his son, “See that!  When you are a good christian the lord takes care of you and now you are five dollars closer to getting your new bike.”

Correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t christianity teach helping others in need without asking for payment?

*I refuse to capitalize anything having to do with religion.


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  1. Well writ! I quote you: “I refuse to capitalize anything having to do with religion”. me too. It suggests some sort of recognition or respect. Religious belief and the never ending nonsense don’t deserve it.

  2. “*I refuse to capitalize anything having to do with religion.”

    Ditto. Well, I will capitalize the word if it starts a sentence, but then I will also capitalize the following words if they come at the beginning of a sentence:
    rape, child (as in child molesters), imbeciles, superstition, religious (as in religious whackos), etc.

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