Honjii's Harangues

Becoming one with your cell phone

I’ve thought for a long time now, that eventually technology will find a way for people to have cell phones permanently implanted into their bodies.  It would be so much more convenient to have your phone as part of your anatomy, and possibly less annoying for the observer, than to have the phone constantly in your hand/s and/or in front of your face.

I think cell phone use can, for some, be classified as an addiction.  The other day I was driving on a very narrow, winding road when I came up behind a bicyclist who instead of moving close to the shoulder, to allow me to pass, swerved aimlessly in front of my car and toward the middle of the road forcing me to slow down until I could safely pass.  When this finally happened I saw that the guy on the bike was riding no hands and no eyes as he was completely engrossed in texting.  A mac truck could have been heading right toward him; he was oblivious.  I thought he would deserve it if I circled back and ran him over.

Image courtesy of http://electronics.howstuffworks.com/cell-phone-implant.htm

So I guess there is good news on the horizon for cell phone junkies.  There are designs in the works for implanting phones into teeth and under the skin.  In addition Nokia has a patent for tattoo ink that vibrates in various patterns when you receive a call, text, or other notification from your phone.  Thank goodness for this last one, it allows you to be more than three feet from your precious mobile device.

These options raise all kinds of questions and scenarios in my mind, aside from the obvious unknown negative health implications.

For starters let’s look at the dental and skin phone implants.  Will there be small clinics located in phone stores or will you need to take the device to a medical facility?  Will the doctors and dentists need special training and certifications?  Or, and this one is scary, will they simply train some of the top phone sales people as phone-med techs (an entirely new job category)?

image courtesy of http://phys.org/news122819670.html

Teeth can be rather sensitive.  When you receive a call will it be an unpleasant sensation similar to having a tooth drilled without Novocaine?  I think this gives new meaning to talking with your mouth full and if you have one implanted into your forearm you can truly say, “Talk to the hand.”   What happens with the arm and dental implant when your contract is up; does it require a new medical procedure?  If you don’t pay your bill, will some guy with a scalpel show up at your door?  I’m thinking they should just put the phones in breast implants…we could have all kinds of fun with that topic on another day.

Moving on to the vibrating tattoo ink, which could be a great source of irritation or pleasure…I’m guessing.  If you chose to put the tattoo in a spot where you have a lot of tension the tattoo could have a relaxing massage-like effect.  On the other hand if you receive a lot of calls and texts it could start to get kind of annoying.  And I just know that there will be the guy (or guys) who thinks it’s a good idea to have the vibrating tattoo placed on his penis and spends the day calling himself.  Or maybe it vibrates for her pleasure, in which case getting a phone call during an intimate encounter, rather than being a bad thing, may enhance the experience.

I am really glad that so much thought and money is being used to develop these products that will greatly enhance our lives.  Do you love your cell phone enough to have an invasive procedure that makes you one with your phone?