Last night I said a prayer

June 17, 2011 at 2:26 pm | Posted in Atheism, Beliefs, god, Jesus, Religion, stupidity | 4 Comments
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They say, “Don’t knock it if you haven’t tried it.”, so I did.  I am now officially qualified to knock it.

So here’s what happened.  Last night I turned on the television looking for something to lull me off to the land of nod.  The first image was a close up of a  man and a woman with their eyes scrunched tightly shut.  The man was saying something about someone out there no longer having back pain, and someone else is no longer suffering from migraines.  My initial thoughts were, whoa this is some kind of crazy, low budget infomercial, for a miracle supplement that cures everything, shot in a studio with overly bright lighting (explaining the squinting).  Or, the supplement, while curing everything else, has an annoying side effect that causes extreme constipation; based on the facial expressions of the pair, they both looked as if they badly needed a bowel movement.

A moment later the man said, “And there is someone out there with a brain tumor that is now gone.  God and Jesus have taken it away”  By now I realized it wasn’t an infomercial.  As it happened the show was nearly over and identified itself as The 700 Club.  Immediately after you were told asked to send money the guy with the closed eyes said (this is likely not the exact wording but close enough), “Pray for what you want and you will receive it.” (from some guy named Matthew).  He didn’t say you may or you might or you probably will, but you WILL receive…

So I scrunched my eyes shut, as I had just seen and asked for what I wanted: to be a millionaire when I woke the next morning.  Praying does NOT work.  This morning I woke up and excitedly ran to the computer to check my bank balance.  Imagine how my spirits sank when I didn’t see seven figures. I can’t figure out what could have gone wrong.  I imitated the facial expression and the eye scrunching perfectly.  Could it be that not sending them money is where I went wrong?  If that’s the case then it’s a bit of a catch 22 situation.  If I’d gotten the damn million I would have been happy to send them some money.

The whole experience got me to thinking:  who is this guy Matthew and why did he lie?  Why is that religious TV program called The 700 Club?  Is 700 the number of members in the club, and if so does someone have to quit or die before someone new can join so they don’t have to keep changing the name of the club?  Or is 700 the collective IQ of the membership?  I’m leaning toward the latter because how gullible do you have to be to believe even those few minutes, I saw, of the show?  And I did give them the benefit of the doubt by keeping an open mind and praying.

I switched channels and found a show called AFV (America’s Funniest Videos).  After watching for a short while I realized three things:  The AFV audience is probably the same as that of The 700 Club, its producers evidently never heard of a little thing called the internet which has actual funny videos, and the program would be more aptly named, America’s Most Disturbing Videos.

If you’ve never seen AFV, unless you have sadistic tendencies, don’t bother.  People send in their ‘funny’ home videos for a chance to win a bunch of money.  Just about every video showed a person (sometimes a small child) being injured either by bad luck or their own stupidity.  Many of the injuries were such that I would expect any reasonable person would drop the camera and rush to see if the subject was OK.  Instead they kept on filming and you could hear the laughter of the person behind the camera, often the parent of the injured child, as well as that of the studio audience.  And, apparently you can never see too much footage of a man getting hit in the nuts.

I fail to find humor or enjoyment in watching people being injured and found it disturbing that so many people do.  It has to be stupidity; I can think of no other explanation.  Hence, my correlation between the pool of audience members for both shows.  I would pray they both be taken off the air but I already know it won’t work.


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  1. You are stronger than I. I simply turn off if confronted by this sort of stupidity. That applies to allegedly funny videos and religious idiocy equally. There must be laws about false advertising somewhere in the world.

    • It’s not strength, it’s kind of like what happens when you see something horrible and you want to look away but can’t. Though I only watched a few minutes of both shows before switching them off, I somehow felt dirty…had to take three showers.

      There must be laws about false advertising somewhere in the world.

      There are, but as laws go they somehow don’t seem to apply to the religious right, the stupid, the uber rich, and politicians…which are not all mutually exclusive.

  2. Honjii, I swear, you are going to owe me a new computer…this is not the first time you wrote something that made me laugh so hard I spit my coffee all over my computer. From now on when I read your blog I’m covering my computer with plastic wrap first, just in case.

    • Sorry, Monique. If my prayer had been answered I’d be able to afford to buy you a new computer. Perhaps I should post a disclaimer stating read at your own risk, not responsible for spilled beverages, etc. Any lawyers reading this? Can you help me out with the correct legal lingo?

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