Attention WANKERS, there’s an app for that

April 8, 2011 at 11:12 pm | Posted in modern trends, social comment, technology | Leave a comment
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My first app store purchases.

Image by TwisterMc via Flickr

It seems we are becoming a people who cannot make a move without consulting an app.  For those not familiar with the lingo, an app is short for an application for a smart phone.  I think the amount of apps available number somewhere in the millions.  Some are games, some are just cute or novel time-suckers, and some are actually useful.

I don’t own a smart phone so I do not have app capabilities, yet somehow I have managed to survive.  In phone years my cel phone (yes it’s from the days when they were still phones and not wireless devices) is a dinosaur. I suppose I have a dumb phone, which I like to think, has a smart person.  Though my phone would be an embarrassment to some, these days, I still think it’s pretty smart.  It can record voice memos, keep track of  appointments, function as an alarm clock, tell me the time anywhere in the world among other cool features.  The best part about my phone is the talking caller ID.  When I enter someone’s number in the phone book, instead of their real name I enter someone very famous and/or important so that when, for example, my boyfriend calls all those within earshot must be enormously wowed that I’m receiving a call from Barack Obama.  Not only does my phone talk to me, I can talk to it, so  that when making a call I simply further impress people by saying, to my phone, “call Rachel Maddow” , when I’m really just calling my mother.

Getting back on track, I wonder about the ramifications of having a smart phone app for just about anything and everything.  I can already see  plenty of evidence that capacity for critical thinking and creative problem solving, in humans, is diminishing.  Will we get to a point where we can’t make a move without consulting an app to decide where and when to eat, what to buy, what to think?

The gym to which I belong has been touting an app to keep you connected to the gym anytime, anywhere.  This would be useful because what..I might find myself at a coffee shop or stuck in traffic and feel the need to do some crunches?  And even if I did, I think I could manage it without consulting a smart phone.

Everywhere I go I see people with their faces glued to their smart phones doing stuff.  I don’t know what stuff they are doing,  but they have the glazed eyes of the brainwashed.

Back to the apps.  I know there are apps for just about anything you can think of but yesterday a friend emailed me about a phone app that made believe we have sunk to a new low.  Enter the Wank-0-meter.

Technology at the service of your personal sexual life

For far too many years, masturbation has crossed an age of darkness. No metrics, no references, no performance analysis.

If this is something you feel you simply cannot do without you can get more information and download the app at the above link.

Happy wanking.


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