Why I don’t tweet

August 9, 2010 at 5:59 pm | Posted in humor, technology | 4 Comments
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As I was parking my car I noticed a sign on a nearby dry cleaners that said follow us on Twitter and Facebook.  In fact just about every business now does this and I am trying to figure out what the hell could possibly be happening in a dry cleaning establishment that would be interesting enough to follow, or why I would want to be their Facebook friend.  And where do they find the time?  Is business so slow they have nothing better to do, and if it is then wouldn’t the Tweets be even less eventful?  I suppose I could check it out and see, but …well I guess I just don’t want to.

Quite some time ago I did get a Twitter account but I have never tweeted, not even once.  From time to time I receive notification that someone is following me on Twitter which, for the follower, would take up less time than watching paint dry.  It isn’t that I don’t have random thoughts I’d like to share, I do; it happens all the time, and often when I’m not in front of my computer and as I mentioned in a previous post; I don’t own a mobile device.  Even though my phone is not smart and somewhat elderly (in tech years) it does have some pretty neat features, tweeting is not one of them.  So I either use my phone to record a voice memo, or call my home phone and leave myself a message, or grab any available scrap of paper on which to jot my thoughts (which later will be impossible for me to decipher) when I think of something I might want to write about or remember for any reason.

My phone has two features that I have decided I never want to be without when the time comes to replace my present phone;  talking caller ID and voice commands, including voice dialing.  Though I don’t use the phone often it is great when I’m driving, in the event someone does call the phone announces the caller’s name, and if it’s not in my phone’s directory it announces the number.  I really have fun with this feature because the phone will announce the name of anyone I have entered, however I have entered it.  For example, I changed my boyfriend’s entry to Barack Obama, so that when he calls, my cell phone announces, in its somewhat robotic voice, “Call from Barack Obama”.  Sometimes I forget to put the phone on vibrate when I go to the gym, and on more than one occasion women in the locker room have been treated to that strange voice coming from my locker, announcing a call from our president.  A good way to impress people is to have my boyfriend call at just the right moment.  Now the women at the gym are either standing in line to be my friend, or giving  me the evil eye, depending on their personal political preferences.

I seem to have gotten off course.  The reason I don’t tweet is that I am way too busy procrastinating about doing all the other things I need to be doing.  So when I get around to taking care of everything that is piled on or near my desk, I’ll tweet.  Until then, to my tens of followers on Twitter, I apologize.


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  1. I had a twitter account for quite some time before I began using it. What kicked me into it was my fascination with politics and the media. I found I could listen in on journos as they were interviewing the politicians. I could see them doing their research and I could see tomorrows headlines being born. Like all voyeurism, it is addictive. Now I have a few people I talk with in a spasmodic way (and a couple I talk politics with) but the main attraction is still those journos.

    • What your are describing is actually another reason, though I didn’t include it; once I start I am afraid it will become an addiction or obsession and if that happens I won’t have time to procrastinate.

      • Ahh! Procrastination, one of the more important of human habits. Those workaholics who never procrastinate are not truly members of the human race. I would write more but I feel a nap coming on.

  2. I bet you wish george bush was still president now

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