Tags: congress, cranial rectal inversion, democrats, head up ones' ass, senate
This just in. Epidemiologists are working feverishly to isolate the virus believed to cause C.R.I. (Cranial Rectal Inversion) in order to stop the record speed at which the virus seems to be spreading. They believe the virus is being spread in several ways, the main one being watching Fox News.
Scientists working on eradicating C.R.I. have confirmed the virus originated with former president, George W. Bush and is spreading rapidly. Some fear this could reach epic proportions and cause the kind of panic we saw during the bird flu and swine flu scares. Those most at risk are extreme right wing, republicans; though the disease has affected a number of democrats as well. This may be due to the close proximity in which they work.
Among those thought to be infected are Arizona senator and former Presidential candidate, John McCain, former Alaska Governor and Vice Presidential candidate, Sarah Palin, right wing nut jobs talkers Rush Limbaugh, Glen Beck, and Sean Hannity.
Symptoms include: confusion, inability to speak intelligently or articulately, a blank stare when asked a question for which you do not have the answer written on your hand, hypocrisy, proposing bartering livestock for medical care as health care reform, automatically being against something simply because Obama thought of it (you’d think Obama would wise up and start using reverse psychology on these morons) …and last but not least severe addiction to filibustering.
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Tags: air travel, airlines, baggage, lost luggage
Now that most airlines are charging for check in bags I wonder if they will handle them more carefully to avoid this:
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Tags: musings, random
Does G.O.P. stand for Greedy Old Profiteers, or perhaps Goofy Old Potheads, Greedy Old Pricks? Anybody have any ideas?
Screw the I.R.S. – Stay poor!
After reading through some contracts, before signing, I remarked I could edit the whole eight pages down to a few concise readable paragraphs. The other party remarked it is the legalese the lawyers insist upon. I find this particularly ironic since lawyers spend much of their time writing briefs.
More irony – Tiger Woods turns out to be a womanizing douche bag. First of all his last name is WOODs and his career has been built on his ability to get his balls in more holes than anyone else, he might just be confused.
Freedom of speech is a good thing – if people had to keep their mouths shut we wouldn’t know how stupid they were.
Most commercial automated answering systems begin by telling us to please listen carefully as all of our options have changed. Are we expected to know what their options were before?
It seems many of my calls may be recorded for quality assurance. When does the quality kick in?
Why can’t stores hire fitting room attendants that can count higher than six?
Tags: Republican talking points
I ran across this and thought is was worth sharing. The subject matter is a little after the fact, but still funny.