Fear of Flying (Naked)

December 31, 2009 at 1:27 pm | Posted in I'm just saying, terrorism | 4 Comments
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I’m a little concerned about what might happen going through security for a flight I’ll be taking in about a month or so.  Since 9/11 the rules for boarding airplanes have changed, and changed again.  Shortly after 9/11 I remember heading to my gate, seeing a sign posted listing items prohibited on planes.  It was disappointing to find a leaf blower on the list, because I don’t know about you, but I feel naked without mine when I travel.

Speaking of naked.  I remember when they caught the shoe bomber on a plane, and thanks to him we are now required to take our shoes off before going through security.  Then someone boarded a plane with two seemingly innocent liquids that could be mixed together to form an explosive and next thing you know the airlines banned liquids.  So now a guy, who by all accounts, raised every red flag one could raise, yet managed to board a plane with explosives in his underwear, which unfortunately didn’t blow (no pun intended) his male parts to bits,  so what now?  I see the handwriting on the wall.  Will we be required to exchange our shoes and our undies for paper substitutes?  Ewwww!

I bet when your mother told you to always wear clean underwear she had no idea how important that advice would become.  Maybe I’ll take the train.

I’m just saying…

Robin Hood

December 29, 2009 at 6:35 am | Posted in corporate bullys, crooks & liars, economy, humor, PhotoShop Fun, Republicans | 1 Comment
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Take Your Pick…Or Not

December 25, 2009 at 11:25 pm | Posted in Atheism, humor, Miscellaneous, Religion | 1 Comment
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© Honjii Li and Honjii’s Harangues, 2009. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Honjii Li and Honjii’s Harangues with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Ten Commandments More Like Ten Guidelines

December 24, 2009 at 12:14 pm | Posted in Atheism, economy, god, hypocrisy, Religion | 2 Comments
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Good news for all of our Christian friends who have been trying so very hard to live by the ten commandments.  As it turns out they are not so much commandments as they are guidelines or suggestions, so you can all relax.  At least that is how Rev. Tim Jones, in England, sees them.  He told his congregation that “thou shalt not steal” isn’t exactly written in stone…so what, they were written with an etch-a sketch?  He told his congregation it was OK for desperate people to shoplift, as long as they do it at large national chain stores rather than small family businesses.

The Rev Tim Jones said in his Sunday sermon that stealing from successful shops was preferable to burglary, robbery or prostitution.

He told parishioners it would not break the eighth commandment ‘thou shalt not steal’ because it ‘is permissible for those who are in desperate situations to take food that they might not starve’.

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If “thou shalt not steal” isn’t exactly written in stone, it would be reasonable to assume the other nine commandments are written on the same flexible, non-permanent material.  I did a Google search for a list of the ten commandments and was surprised to find there are several versions, which is probably why Rev. Jones believes they are not etched in stone.  Here is one version that I found so if you will excuse me, I will now spend several minutes amusing myself by imagining how each one could be interpreted and used for any given situation.  Feel free to add your own suggestions and interpretations.

ONE: ‘You shall have no other gods before Me.

TWO: ‘You shall not make for yourself a carved image–any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.

THREE: ‘You shall not take the name of the LORD your God in vain.

FOUR: ‘Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.

FIVE: ‘Honor your father and your mother.

SIX: ‘You shall not murder.

SEVEN: ‘You shall not commit adultery.

EIGHT: ‘You shall not steal.

NINE: ‘You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.

TEN: ‘You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor’s.

Seems like only yesterday…

December 10, 2009 at 5:18 am | Posted in humor | 2 Comments
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Burgled from Archie

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The Pink Glove Dance

December 9, 2009 at 7:44 am | Posted in health care | Leave a comment

Employees at Providence St. Vincent Medical Center in Portland, Oregon made this video to spread breast cancer awareness.

My Plan for Afghanistan

December 3, 2009 at 12:55 am | Posted in economy, humor, Obama, political, war | 3 Comments
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If we absolutely must go into Afghanistan I’d like to propose an alternate strategy.  We flood the media with ads promoting pre-Christmas sales in Afghanistan, with prices SLASHED to 75% off or more…borders open at 3AM for early bird shoppers.  Special non-stop, red-eye air shuttles will be provided to avoid those nasty air traffic jams.

Millions of deal hungry shoppers will descend on Afghanistan in a way that would make the military look like a bunch of boy scouts on a camping trip. These are hard-core shoppers and they shop for keeps, they’re out for blood; have pity on ANYONE who gets in their way.

In our dreary economic climate this would kill not two, but three birds with one stone.  People who can’t afford vacations now get to take them, they get gonga deals on all the latest electronic gadgets, and we leave all of  Afghanistan in such a state of shock that will take them a very long time to recover from and will leave them unable to function.  At the end of the sale we will see news footage of Afghanis wandering aimlessly with jaws dropped and vacant stares.

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