Jesus Christ, is God Really the Baby Daddy?

April 13, 2009 at 1:00 am | Posted in Beliefs, god, Jesus, Religion | 6 Comments
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Here is the entirety of my knowledge of the story of Christ.  He was born of a virgin who was impregnated by God.  At some point in his adult life he royally pissed off some people, was crucified, came back to life, and has been worshiped in the two thousand plus years since.

During this past week leading up to Easter, what with the palms and the ashes, etc., there has been a lot of stuff on television about the bible and Christ.  I mentioned to my boyfriend that I never really knew the story of Christ beyond what I mentioned above.  Ironically about ten minutes after my admission, a program about the story of Christ was aired (a believer would probably say, from my mouth to God’s ear).  Unfortunately (or not) I fell asleep about fifteen or twenty minutes in so I don’t know much more now that I did before other than; the dress of the Jews, during that period, looked a lot like the attire seen in many Muslim cultures today, Mary was thought to be thirteen or fourteen when she found herself pregnant, and when Jesus was a kid Mary very likely told him he was the son of God, which would probably have some profound effect on his view of himself and life in general.  You know how that works, if you repeat a lie long enough you will begin to believe it yourself.

Knowing how gullible people are today (ie religious belief), I imagine they were quite a bit more so back in the day, which is why I always thought that the real story behind the virgin birth was as follows:  Mary finds herself unwed and knocked up, probably by her boyfriend, Joseph.  They know they’re going to be in hot water as apparently among the Jews of that era it was really frowned upon to get pregnant if you were not married (I learned this from the program before I drifted off to sleep).  So Mary, perhaps with the help of Joseph, cooked up this fantastic story about how God is her baby daddy and all the gullible people bought it hook, line, and sinker, and still do to this day.

To me, that has to be the only explanation as parthenogenesis does not occur in mammals.  There have been some claims that it has occasionally occurred in humans but they haven’t been proven.  The problem with this theory, though, is  in species where parthenogenesis does occur the offspring are always female.  So unless Mary pulled off a second hoax by raising a daughter as a male, I’m going with my original theory that the virgin birth is the biggest hoax of all time.



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  1. You’re crazy – every rational person knows Mary was a virgin. What is this cockamamie story you’re trying to peddle?

  2. Hey, Zeus had been impregnating mortal women for centuries. That I Am your God deity reckons it was much more fun back then – unlike now when he has to be a celibate party-pooper.

  3. Oh, @ thinking – are you really thinking?

  4. It’s irony Archiearchive

  5. Just checking – really good irony is well disguised.

  6. You may find these articles on virgin birth of interest and coming from an unusual angle

    and, similarly the debate on TheologyWeb:

    Forum — General Theistics 101
    Thread — Does the Bible teach that Mary was a virgin when Jesus was conceived?

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