Mixed Nuts

December 28, 2012 at 5:11 pm | Posted in Current Events, News, political, tragedy, violence | Leave a comment
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mixed-nuts

We killed him a thousand times

May 2, 2011 at 2:17 pm | Posted in News, Obama, political, Religion, terrorism, war | 5 Comments
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A still of 2004 Osama bin Laden video

Image via Wikipedia

I don’t know if, in other countries, the news media go as crazy as as they do in the U.S. but last night if I’d owned a gun I would have shot the TV, which would have amounted to shooting the messenger.  If you haven’t figured out what I’m referring to or if you’ve been in a cave and haven’t heard; Osama bin Laden is dead, Osama bin Laden has been killed, Osama bin Laden is dead, the U.S. killed Osama bin Laden, Osama bin Laden is dead, Osama bin Laden is dead, Osama bin Laden is dead.  Keep reading, I’ m about to tell you that Osama bin Laden is dead.

I watch about four or five hours of television a week, and last night I turned the set on, all set to veg out on the couch for one of those hours, to indulge in my guilty pleasure.  Instead, there was news that Osama bin Laden had  been killed.  I gathered, from watching, that this special newscast had already been underway for awhile.  It went on for hours, repeating in as many different ways as they could figure out how to tell us, bin Laden was dead.  We were also informed that President Obama was going to be telling us that we got him, he’s dead.  Why?  We already knew at that point, the news people ruined the surprise for us.  Damn you news people!

I don’t think anyone told Obama he didn’t get to be the first to break the news, that someone had already let the cat out of the bag, that we were way ahead of him.  But, he delivered the news as if it were the first time we were hearing it and we, well some of us, politely pretended it was.

And, as expected, after Obama spoke we were returned to the news coverage where they told us what the President just said in as many different ways they knew how, and on and on and on…

At the end of the coverage the local news came on and you’ll never guess what that was about.  As far as I’m concerned the story could have waited until the ten o’clock news; it’s not like bin Laden was going to get any deader.

When I first heard the news, I was skeptical, but they assured us it was, in fact bin Laden who was killed, verified by DNA.  I’m sorry but that’s just not going to be enough, I’m going to need to see a birth certificate.

Several times there was mention that we were not involved in a war against Islam, but a war against terrorism.  It’s too bad that point wasn’t driven home by the news media as much as some of their other coverage because an awful lot of Americans never got that message.  There has been way too much anti-Muslim sentiment, and hatred expressed in the media and by the average man on the street since 9/11.  Far too many Americans believe the war is about Islam and that all people of Islamic faith are terrorists and that all Islamic children are educated to hate Americans and become terrorists.

In response to the news of bin Laden’s demise, people took to the streets en masse, singing and chanting, USA, USA, USA…  When the camera panned in on those chanting I realized, with the sound turned off, they looked very similar to the images we’ve seen of Muslims chanting in the streets.  I imagined how we might have looked to those outside.  I’m guessing our people chanting in the streets added fuel to an alreaedy pissed off (by bin Laden’s death) Al-Qaeda.

Far be it from me to defend religion, I think it’s all evil.  Don’t even get me started on the atrocities committed in the name of christianity.  But I am nothing, if not fair, so here is my version of the news:  We are not at war with Islam.  There are good and bad people of all religions.  Not all Muslims are terrorists.  Terrorist acts have been committed by people of all religions.

We are not at war with Islam.
We are not at war with Islam.
We are not at war with Islam.
We are not at war with Islam.
We are not at war with Islam.
We are not at war with Islam.
We are not at war with Islam.
We are not at war with Islam.

Coming soon, a guest writer to tell you that we are not at war with Islam and that Osama bin Laden is dead and we have the DNA to prove it.  Now is they can just get us that birth certificate…

If that’s SLAVERY sign me up!

March 16, 2011 at 12:29 pm | Posted in civil liberties, Current Events, Entertainment, News, stupidity | 2 Comments
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Adrian Peterson

Maybe the chemtrail crazies are right, and the chemical being used is stupid juice.  Adrian Peterson, a football player for the Minnesota Vikings had the audacity to compare NFL owners’ treatment of players to modern-day slaveryReally? This from the mouth of a guy who makes a base salary of ten million bucks a year.  Aside from the utter stupidity of the statement, what an insult to those who were slaves and their descendants.  You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to infer from the color of Peterson’s skin and his last name, that he is very likely, himself, descended from slaves.

I wonder if he has any idea what it meant to be a slave.  Ok, granted he does work in a field, but he’s not picking cotton and nobody is forcing him to be there. Slaves didn’t get paid, you moron, they were not playing a game, and they didn’t have the freedom of choice that you enjoy.

So, Adrian, if you think you have it so bad, you are free to NOT play football.  You are free NOT to make obscene amounts of money, just as you are free to make an ass of yourself, for all the world to hear, by making such a stupid statement; just as I am free to call you an ignorant ass.

Felonious Farting

March 10, 2011 at 5:44 pm | Posted in Current Events, humor, News, strange news, stupidity | 4 Comments
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Fart

Image via Wikipedia

I can’t stress this enough.  When traveling to a foreign country know the law.  Something seemingly innocent can land you in some hell hole of a prison, a public caning, or who knows what unspeakable punishment may be in store for your unintentional misdeed.

For example, if you visit Malawi DO NOT fart in public.  From Afrik-News:

Malawi government is set to introduce a set of laws that would render life, in one way or another, interesting for its citizens.

While no country wants its citizens to be idle, disorderly, or drunkards who cause nuisance in any public sphere, the Malawi is reportedly set to make a set of behaviours punishable by law.

The Bingu wa Mutharika led administration is to introduce a raft of legislation that seeks to criminalize an everyday natural occurrence of “passing gas” with the intention to “mould responsible and disciple citizens”

I can’t imagine how this law can possibly be enforced.  If there’s a group of people hanging out on the corner and one of them breaks wind this law, you know that everyone will be pointing fingers elsewhere, and if there is a dog present the poor creature will get the blame.  The article didn’t specify whether or not it is also illegal for animals to pass gas.  Will they employ specially trained dogs to sniff out the offender?  Will people seek revenge on their enemies by filing erroneous fart reports?  Have the Malawi heads of state really thought this through?  And exactly what is the punishment?  Will the accused be allowed a trial by a jury of his/her peers?  Now that’s a trial I’d love to watch.

These are all questions that need answers.  I encourage everyone who reads this to write to Bingu wa Mutharika and ask these and any other wildly outlandish questions (you can think of) in regard to this law.

I’ll pass on that $128 million…

November 9, 2010 at 10:11 am | Posted in insanity, News, social comment, strange news, stupidity | 3 Comments
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it’s just too embarrassing to collect my Power Ball prize since I bought my ticket at a porn shop.

A Detroit porn shop sold a winning lottery ticket worth $128 million dollars that has yet to be claimed.  I heard some newscasters speculating that the winner is too ashamed, or perhaps worried about the wife’s reaction to the hubby having been at a porn shop.

Seriously?

That kind of money can cover up a whole lot of shame, and make for a very forgiving spouse.  What kind of moron would give up that kind of money for some stupid reason?  Making the assumption that the purchaser was male, while acknowledging it could very well have been a woman; is there anyone out there who would be angry at their spouse for being at a porn shop when they have just brought home 128 million bucks? Maybe they are worried about losing their job.  Oh wait, you don’t need a job because you have $128 million!

Perhaps it is a religious person worried about what other church members would think, or more likely a member of the clergy.  Then spin it this way: God had his plan and for me it was to receive this wondrous gift of 128 million bucks!

I know it’s not a politician worried about public opinion because those guys are not ashamed of anything.

If you don’t want it give it to me and I’ll spill my guts about every embarrassing, humiliating detail of my entire life.

I’m relatively sure the reason the prize hasn’t been collected has nothing to do with the location in which the ticket was purchased.  I cannot conceive of any scenario where there would be downside to collecting this prize, can you?

If I were the Iranian police I’d be thinking the same thing

September 15, 2010 at 12:11 pm | Posted in I'm just saying, insanity, News, stupidity | 4 Comments
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Yesterday we heard news that one of the Americans being held in an Iranian prison, Sarah Shourd, had been released.  I remember wondering, when this story broke about a year ago, who the hell vacations in Iraq in the midst of a war?  What was the process of deciding on a destination?  “Well lets see now, where could we go that would give us the highest probability of coming home in a body bag?” They could have chosen any number of European countries, the south Pacific region, South America, any number of beautiful places in the U.S. and Canada to name just a few.  But Iraq?  Could this be one of those ‘it seemed like a good idea at the time’ moments when reflecting on the decision from their prison cells?

Like extreme sports that are more dangerous and death defying than the original versions do we now have extreme vacations?  Did the criteria for their destination call for uncomfortably hot weather, war, the possibility of being killed or maimed by a roadside bomb, being imprisoned, or experiencing any number of horrific life altering/ending possibilities?  Maybe they threw darts at a world map while blindfolded.  Personally I think they deserve to have been jailed for STUPIDITY.

I can see the draw of a vacation in Iraq, Iran or any of the middle eastern countries that are so rich in ancient history, but in the middle of a war?  When they announced their vacation plans to friends and family surely someone must have had the good sense to question the wisdom of this choice.

When they inadvertently wandered across the border into Iran, of course officials there would assume they were spies; what the hell else would three, supposedly sane, Americans be doing there?

According to some reports, Shourd was released due to medical issues that the Iranian authorities did not want to be responsible for.  Her two companions face up to ten years if found guilty of espionage, and I have little doubt they will not be exonerated.  Their only hope of release is the successful intervention from outside of Iran.

Due to the stupidity of these three jackasses I have to wonder how much of our nations’ already strained resources  have been expended on their behalves and if they will be required to make restitution.

Put That in your SB1070 pipe and smoke it

August 4, 2010 at 4:22 pm | Posted in economy, News, Obama, political, U.S. Constitution | Leave a comment
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As you probably know, Governor Jan Brewer, of Arizona has signed off on a very controversial immigration law, citing the Federal government’s failure at keeping illegal immigrants out of our country.  Syracuse University compiled statistics that indicate the Obama administration is deporting more illegal immigrants than ever before.  The graphs below reveal some interesting numbers.

Findings by the Transactional Records Access Clearinghouse at Syracuse show more illegal immigrants were removed from the United States during the first nine months of this fiscal year than during the same period in 2008, when Republican George W. Bush was president and controlled immigration enforcement.

The number of those ejected from the country between Oct. 1, 2009, and June 30 of this year is nearly twice as high as it was in the same period ending June 30, 2005.

The TRAC report also shows the Obama administration is devoting more resources to removing those who have committed serious crimes.

During the first nine months of the fiscal year, TRAC, using Immigration and Customs Enforcement data, figures 136,714 “criminal aliens” were deported. That same figure in 2008 was 85,334.  keep reading


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